either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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