I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
