In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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