I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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