pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
