She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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