She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
