but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
