We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
God, I missed his penis.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
