im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
