Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
