he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
