i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
