i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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