I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
