my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
