they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sext me about skeletons
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
