Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
