you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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