Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
