On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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