How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
