Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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