When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
