It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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