Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
