fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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