Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
as a side note pls kill me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
