i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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