there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
