isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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