i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just found a bag of teeth...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Shame is for Republicans.
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