at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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