miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
