a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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