Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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