The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize