There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
