If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You can't motorboat a personality
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
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