Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
