are you still at the devil's house?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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