watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
as a side note pls kill me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
