How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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