those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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