i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
