i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
