you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
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Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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