Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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