4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize