you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
