He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
