Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
