My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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