Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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