Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Hippo gnu deer
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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