Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
