it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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