I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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