Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
