everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
