what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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