Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
