okay pat passed out under dana's car
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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