i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
