the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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