please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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