Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
