did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
