Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
