Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
