i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
