I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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