so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
