and you said cock pushups were impossible
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
is it fun? or sober?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
